Would Someone Teach Them How to Drive?

As I was driving around the Provo/Orem area this afternoon, I was quite displeased with what I saw.  The people who drive around here are some of the worst drivers I have ever seen (worse, even, than some that I encountered in California!).  There's a good reason that Utah County has a reputation, locally and nationally, for being home to the worst motor vehicle operators.

You want to make our roads safer?  You want fewer car accidents?  You want to rid yourself of the road rage that you feel while you're driving?  Let me give you a few tips that will help make driving easier, safer, and more enjoyable.

Tip #1 - Pay attention to what you're doing.

This really makes no sense when you're not even going very far to begin with.  It surprises me how utterly oblivious people are to other cars/drivers.  That's why they invented rear and side-view mirrors.  It also helps to actually look at what's going on around you!

I was driving behind a couple of dudes today who were more interested in pointing out every little store on each side of the road instead of where they were going or what they were doing.  I think it would have been more fun to watch them run into something than to follow them for as long as I had to. . .

Tip #2 - GET OFF THE PHONE!

I don't know what everyone's fascination is with talking on the phone and TEXTING while driving!  It's next to impossible to focus on what's going on on the road if you're consumed by the dramatic sob story that your BFF  is making a feeble attempt to explain to you.  So, to the lady driving down State Street at 3:45 this afternoon: hang up the phone because it will make it A LOT easier to stay in your lane!  And you're less likely to kill someone on the road.

Tip #3 - Go the speed limit.

You can agree with me before I even explain this one.  Go ahead, say, "Yes, Matt.  No one knows how to go the speed limit."  People speed, yes.  But what's worse is people who go too slow.

I'm generally pretty good about not being in a hurry to get somewhere.  I think it's just part of my personality.  "Matt in a hurry = snail at a leisurely pace."  So I may not be in a hurry to get somewhere, but I just want to get there!  Camping out in the far left lane is stupid anyway, but going 10-under when you're in the left lane is more stupid than I can describe.  You think it's dangerous when that one guy whizzes past you at 90+.  What about the guy going 35 mph in a 50 mph zone?  Don't think that's dangerous?  Just look to see how quickly you gain on those red taillights.  You'll agree with me then.

Tip #4 - Stop when the light is RED.  Go when the light is GREEN.

It's simple.  Even for those of us who are colorblind.  If you can reasonably stop at a red light, then stop.  When the light turns green, MOVE.

See?  Simple.  A 1st-grader could tell you that.

Tip #5 - Live with your mistakes.

If you miss a turn, don't make a wild turn to try to get where you were supposed to go.  Just keep going.  Turn around when it's safer, and then find your turn.  Also, when you forget that you were supposed to get into a turn lane, don't try to squeeze into it while sticking across 2 lanes of traffic.  It's totally unnecessary.

Tip #6 - 

(This is more of an observation than a tip)

Male drivers do stupid stuff.  Female drivers just don't know what they're doing.

Male drivers: Put your hands back in the car, quit trying to impress your girlfriend, and start using your brain.  You won't think you're so cool when you're dead.

Female drivers: Just tone down the estrogen.  Figure out where you're going and what speed you should be going on the road.  Oh, and drive a car where you can actually see over the steering wheel.

I'm sure that this applies to more places than just Utah County.  But Utah County seems to beat them all.

7 Invaluable Lessons from BYU's Finest

As I have reflected on my time in Provo, I realized that there are many, many things that I've learned.  Let me tell you a few:

1) It's okay to be disrespectful to other people if you don't have a problem with what you're doing.

Example: Two students watching a video on a computer in the "No Shhh! Zone" of the library with the sound up to where everyone in the room can hear the video.  Okay, so maybe I'm not allowed to tell you to be quiet, but when your stupid video can be heard in a big room while people are trying to study, at least turn in down. Or get headphones.

2) Chewing and making loud noises with gum is cool.

Example: Kid is sitting behind me in a lecture smacking his gum and popping these loud, obnoxious bubbles.  Dude, I will break off your jaw.

3) Holding hands with someone doesn't necessarily mean you are "together".

Example: Couple walks across campus holding hands.  I ask them later, "Hey, so how long have you been dating?"  The response: "Oh, we're not 'official'."  Whatever THAT means...

4) Being racist is acceptable.

Example: Roommate has a friend celebrating her "Asian Birthday".  The conversation goes as follows:

Roommate: "Why is it your 'Asian Birthday'?"
Girl: "Because I'm turning 22!"
Roommate: "Okay, but I still don't understand."
Girl: "Oh well you know how all Asians hold up 2 fingers (a peace sign) in pictures?  That's why lol."
Roommate: "Wow... you do realize that was racist, right?"
Girl: "What?  I'm not racist."
Roommate: "What you just said was racist."
Girl: "Well it's not racist if it's true!"

*facepalm*  These are our future leaders, folks...

5) White rappers are cool.

Example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYjG1llQVlA
Not to mention the fact that it's A LIBRARY.

6) It is taboo to put materials back where you found them.

Example: I find headphones, staplers and books that have been checked out in random places around the library.  Is it really that hard to be responsible (like the adult that you WANT to be) and take your stuff back?  Or should we just treat you like a child again and say, "Okay, so-and-so, let's clean up your toys!"

7) "Forgetting" things is a valid excuse.

Example: Class assignment is due, and there is at least one student who inevitably says to the professor, "Oh, I forgot that this assignment was due today.  Can I turn it in next class period?"  Um, NO.  You're old enough to be responsible for yourself and what you've been asked to do.

Example 2: You need your ID card to print on campus.  Students come to the desk EVERY DAY with the same issue: "I 'forgot' my ID card.  Can you send my print job to the printer for me?"  It's not that hard to bring your ID card to campus.  And if your assignment is really THAT important, you should make the effort to bring everything that you need on campus with you.  Should I wipe your sorry butt for you too while I'm printing your homework?

There are just so many things to learn in college.  I'm just glad that these things have been included in my education.  And with no added tuition!  SCORE!

Visiting a Middle School

With this being the beginning of a new school year, I have definitely learned several things.

1) Getting up to be in class by 7:45 every morning SUCKS.  I actually already knew that, but it bears saying again.

2) Getting to bed between 10:30 and 11:00 every night isn't so bad.

3) Driving in Provo is a nightmare.

4) My schedule is intense, for lack of a better word.

5) Junior High/Middle School students are really funny.

Let me explain the last one.  I was at Centennial Middle School on Wednesday morning.  The band teacher, Dr Rothlisberger, was teaching these kids how to make sounds from their mouthpieces.  Keep in mind that this is a beginning band class full of 7th graders.

He taught the brass players that the shape of the mouth should be tight and they should make the sound "emmm" to practice having the proper form.  Since I have never played a brass instrument before, I thought that that piece of information was pretty cool!  So they practiced it and got a few rather interesting sounds to come out of their mouthpieces.

Then he moved on to the flutes.  He went over the same kinds of things with them, getting them to have the proper form so that they can make a sound come from the instrument.  This time, instead of giving the same instructions as he did to the brass sections, he told them to do something a little differently.

"You're going to put your flute up on your lip and say 'poo'."

..........................................................................................................................................

Pause for a moment.  Do you hear that?  It's the sound of twenty 12-year-old boys busting out laughing because their teacher just said "poo".  Wait, you hear something else?  Oh, that's the 15 college-age boys doing the exact same thing.  The girls were laughing too, but they were just laughing at us.

That's why I love kids that age.  The dumbest things are hilarious.  And we have many similarities when it comes to humor.

Oh look, Obama thought it was funny too.

So even with all of the things that terrify me about teaching, I'm very excited for this part of teaching junior high.  It makes me laugh already.