Je Suis Vainqueur

I was in the break room on the 2nd floor of the library.  Typical activity while I'm at work.  It's the closest place to get the most amazing thing in the world: BYU Creamery Chocolate Milk.  But this was no typical trip to the break room.  At least, not this time.

What's the one thing that always seems to go wrong with vending machines?  Yep, that's it!  Whatever you're trying to get GETS STUCK.  Well guess what.  That's exactly what happened to me, keeping me separated from my beloved chocolate milk.  It's "the Man" trying to keep me down.  Well, I decided that I was going to stick it to the Man.  The problem was that whoever was the last one to fill up the vending machine didn't think to put everything in at an angle so that the items would fall out correctly.  Instead, he put them in straight up.  That means that the items to be bought would TIP OVER instead of sliding out of their places, causing them to become lodged between where they sit and the glass of the vending machine.

The first bottle of chocolate milk that I tried to get got stuck.  But there was a bottle still behind it.  So I tried to get that one as well.  But, to my GREAT dismay, that one started to slide out but stopped right on top of the one that was already stuck.  Fantastic. . .  That makes TWO stuck bottles of chocolate milk instead of just one.  What is the logical thing to do at this point?  Kick the machine furiously, swear at it and try to tip it over.  But weighing 400 pounds has its advantages: the vending machine didn't budge.  Nor did it give me the chocolate milk for which I paid.  But, after excessive kicking, I was able to get ONE of the bottles to fall.  Partial victory.

Next idea: order what is above the chocolate milk, hoping that this will set it free.  Result: failure.  But I wasn't about to give up.

Plan C: "I'm goin' in!"

I have relatively skinny arms.  Knowing this, I decided that I was going to force my arm up into the vending machine to get my chocolate milk out.  The only problem is that there is another flap that goes up when the machine's door is pushed open, making it "impossible" to reach in and grab anything.  (This is where I laugh in the Man's face.)  I reached in and pulled down that flap as much as I could to where there was a little opening leading to the vending area.  But since I couldn't reach my arm all the way up, I improvised.  Remember the other item that I got to try to knock my chocolate milk loose before?  It was a bottle of apple juice (I don't like apple juice, by the way).  So why not put it to good use?  I was able to fit it through the gap and up towards the chocolate milk.  I could only use two fingers to navigate the apple juice, so that made this increasingly difficult.  I was able to get it over to the bottle of chocolate milk, but i lost control of the apple juice and it fell.  CRAP!  So try again.  Same result.  Third time?  Yeah, same thing.  But I wasn't going to be denied.  Try number 4: I propped the apple juice up against the chocolate milk and pushed on it with my thumb and index finger. . . and to my everlasting joy, the chocolate milk fell free!  Money: not wasted.  Vending machine: conquered.  The Man: owned.

Being a poor college kid can be fun sometimes.  A word for all vending machines: I've got my eye on you.  You'd better WATCH OUT!